Raw and untold: talking to myself

I have never prayed for something so hard in my life again.. Ngayon nalang ulit.

It’s really something, ‘no? When you’ve done everything you could – from maximum efforts, sacrifices, plus tiring and frustrating days – the only thing left that you can do is pray.. Pray that everything will go according to plan and if it doesn’t, pray that you will have a grateful heart to accept what is happening.

I’ve mentioned this so much on my blog but I have always wanted to travel the world. Travelling and writing are my passions in life. They make my blood alive and lately, I have been dead. I don’t have the time (and sufficient funds) to travel and I can’t find the motivation to write sometimes (mostly: anymore).

How can I travel, save for myself, and provide for my family all at the same time? No one’s there to pressure me, but there’s a big part of me shouting that I badly wanted to help my family already. What I want for my Dad is to retire and go back home and spend everyday with my Mom. He left when my younger brother is just more or less than a year old and now, he’s on 10th grade. It’s enough for my Dad to stop working and make up to all the lost time he’s not there.

My family provided so much for me and it’s now my time to give back. Yet how? I have a job, yes, but what I’m earning will never be enough for everything. I feel like I deserve better; I know that I deserve better. Kaya sabi ko nga kanina, never akong humingi ng something kay Lord talaga, ngayon nalang ulit.

One of my favorite mantras in life is, “It’s yours if you want it bad enough.” So Lord, I’ll trust You when You say “Wait,” because You promised me that You will give me whatever my heart desires as long as I delight in You. I know that You’ve been giving me a lot of challenges and trials lately but know that I will never give up on this dream. I will be travelling the world, writing stories, saving for my future and providing for my family – all at the same time. Soon.

I know that time will come. The travel-and-lifestyle-writer freak in me can’t wait.

Love, Amielle

PS: If you may, just include in your prayers that I may have a grateful heart no matter what the outcome is. Thank you.

47 thoughts on “Raw and untold: talking to myself

  1. We’re same po ate. Minsan nafifeel ko rin po yan. Pero gaya rin po ng sabi nyo, walang imposible sa prayer at mas lalong walang imposible sa Lord! ❤ Never namang nagsabi ng “NO” ang Lord eh 😊


  2. I’ve prayed for the same as well. He gave me both naman. And gave me more. Always have faith, also, don’t lose courage to just do your thing/s. God bless. 😘


  3. Hi Amielle! I haven’t asked anything from Him for quite long time already, but I would gladly pray about this for you.

    Before I came to Japan and up until now, I have this favorite quote written at the back of my notes “Tsuneni nanika wo shinjuru subarashi koto ga okori-desu” “Always believe that something wonderful is about to happen”, I think pareho din tayo ng gusto, I also badly want to stop my dad from working and yung tipong ako na lang din magpoprovide sa kanila and that’s one of the main reasons why I decided to work abroad. Gustong gusto ko din magtravel (Japan pa lang napupuntahan ko) pero I always consider yung gagastusin, though pwedeng pwede na but still iniisip ko lang ang selfish na I’m spending a lot pero my dad still working.

    I hope maging okay ka na and darating din tayo jan, have faith, kapit :)

    P.S Next week pag nakita ko ulit si Mt. FUji wish tayo sa kanya :)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Senseiiii. Huhuhu. Gusto ko ‘yung quote. Thank you. 😢

      Also, naiintriga ako sa work d’yan. Iinterviewhin kita about it soon, malay mo from online friends maging workmates tayo! Char! Hahaha mwaaa 😘😘

      Liked by 1 person

  4. To my bebe girl Amil, hugs and kisses for you. Dahil love kita, I’ll give you my advice and I hope you wouldn’t mind. Tama yan, keep on praying with conviction. At the same time count your blessings and be thankful for every little things you received each day (there are many people around the world who only prayed for a piece of bread to fill in their hungry stomach). God knows the desires of your heart and if you’re happy and contended of what you have now, He will give you more and reward you in return. Be patient because God’s answer will not come overnight. :-) Let go, breath and be happy!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Ate ko. Palagi ko rin nga sinasabi sa self ko na ‘di ko kailangan mag-madali at mapressure. Pero minsan I can’t help it talaga. Huhu. Huuuugs!


    1. Kaya nga mga Ate. Huhu palagi ko rin ‘yan sinasabi sa sarili ko eh. Kaso minsan ‘di ko talaga maiwasan ma-pressure. ☹️ Thank you po 🤗🤗


  5. Psalm 37:4 says, “Delight in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.” Dati akala ko kailangan kong magpalakas or sumipsip sa God para ibigay niya yung mga gusto ko. Then I realized that by delighting, it means dwelling in His presence consistently, which eventually, yung personal desires ko ay nag-aalign sa desires niya for me. Dun papasok yung “He will give you the desires of your heart,” kasi yung desires natin, pumaparehas na sa perfect plan niya para sa atin. 😊

    Just prayed for you, Amielle. 😘

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Emyel! Tiwala lang! In God’s perfect timing. Also, sharing my favorite Bible verse because it always gives me comfort.

    “Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.” Mark 11:24

    Including you in my prayers! 😚😚😚


  7. It is SO hard when life becomes a drought, when we are caught on the hamster wheel and when we feel as though our dreams will never come true. Take these words, from Sister Julian of Norwich in the 14th Century – she was a Christian mystic and this is my mantra ‘all shall be well and all shall be well and all manner of thing shall be well’. Keep her words tucked close to your heart and I promise you all shall be well in its time. And you will write and you will travel and daddy will be back with mummy. Honestly. It shall all be well. You are close in my thoughts 🙏

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Bago yun ah, yung sayo na kung gusto mo talaga. Pero basta maghintay ka lang yel. Everything will fall into place in their own perfect time. Basta kaya mo yan wag kang susuko and I also know that your parent’s love for you is greater than your love for them, maiintindihan ka siguro nila at kakayanin din nilang maghintay dahil mabait kang anak at bilang parent, yun lang sapat ng kabayaran, ang malaman na napalaki nila ang isang tao na mabuti 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Ganda, eto ulit ang hug from ate and I want to leave you this verse :)

    “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight”. – Proverbs 3:5-6

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I will pray for you too 💕 I also feel kinda lost these days. I have to get a job but cause me anxiety and all… ughhh. The path will be rough but everything takes time and pacience. You will get everything you deserve 💕 You are such a talented writer 😍 I also love writing and travelling so much. Our dreams will come true 🌠 We are all in this together 💕 Love you xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Will include you in my prayers. I’ve been having the same struggles din lately, pero tiyaga lang talaga. We’re still young and hopefully through our experiences lalo na sa work, we’ll be able to reach better places in life that will allow us to have the luxury to travel, etc. Hope you’re okay! <3


    1. Sobrang totoo ‘yung we’re still young and ‘di natin need magmadali. Pero minsan, ‘di ko maiwasan na hindi mapressure talaga. ☹️ Huhu. Hope you’re feeling better na rin!! 💖

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Amielle, you’re young and it’s understandable to feel this way. I’m slightly older than you and when I first started working, couldn’t really afford to do anything fun with my salary (didn’t even get a raise for 2 years lol) and was also (still am) helping out with the household bills and with my siblings’ university fees. It’s easy to get overwhelmed with the feeling that you’re stuck and helpless. Just keep your goals in mind, and work towards it. I like to write mine down with a timeline, and post it somewhere I can see, so everything I do subconsciously pushes me to where I want to be. ;) (We still have to be flexible though when life doesn’t exactly work out as planned, but that’s an entirely different thing altogether). Hang in there! You can do this!!! :)

    Liked by 1 person

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