Have you guys ever heard of the term relationship burnout?
I was scrolling through the wonderful-but-toxic world of internet a few weeks back when I saw a post about it. That was the time that my relationship with Wel was super on the rocks – because let’s be honest here, our relationship was never perfect. It was secure, yes, but it will always have its downs and the downest of downs.
Back to the topic.. Is relationship burnout a real thing? Yes, it is. It’s when you feel like there’s nothing new – puro nalang away, wala nang thrill, sobrang casual na lang ng lahat; na it will come to a point na you say, “I’m tired.” I guess the term itself naman states it all. I’m not here to point out and explain what that is because I know you guys are smart enough to get it.
I’m here to talk about my experience with it.
Dahil wala lang. Dahil I miss being honest and being personal with you. I miss writing and sharing stories. Plus maaan, the past two months has really just been one of the hardest Wel and I have been through throughout our almost four-year relationship, so far. And overcoming it is I can say, an achievement and something worth blogging about.
As I said, our relationship was never perfect, but it was secure. Alam mo ‘yung I can proudly say na, “Shet, I upgraded in so many things in life. My relationship is one of those.” Ganun. Our world doesn’t revolve around each other and we still give each other the space to grow and build our own selves. There are no restrictions and all that stuff because we both understand that we don’t own each other. I’ve mentioned it before and I’ll say it again, but I have always believed that real love never limits you. It doesn’t restrict you; it doesn’t try to change you; it doesn’t entitle you to anything, because real love.. is freedom.
I am so, so, SO proud of my relationship with Wel because he made me feel so secure and never have I ever had a single doubt about him being unloyal to me or our relationship not having enough love to be broken. It’s mature, it’s stable and it’s real.
Pero for the third time, sabi ko nga ulit, our relationship was never perfect. There are days when I feel like I can only give 30% so Wel had to give 70%, days when Wel can only give 40 and I had to give 60, and that’s okay. There are also times when I can only give 40 and he can only give 40, and again, that’s okay. Because love will never be perfect. You can try to make your relationship like one but in the end, you’ll both just feel burnt out because you’re trying so hard to give what you don’t have.
Wel will always have his issues and so will I. It’s a never-ending process in a relationship so you really have to be super patient and understanding with your partner.
Wel.. He has always been like that to me. Kahit pigain n’yo ‘yung utak ko ngayon, I can never think of a time that he legit got mad at me. Siguro inis or tampo but even once, he never got mad at me. Or maybe he did, he just didn’t let his emotions control him. He’s a really impatient man when it comes to other things – simpleng biglang bagal lang ng internet, yamot na agad ‘yan – kaya I’m so grateful na when it comes to me, sobrang patient n’ya.
Me, on the other hand, has always been the more-emotional one in the relationship. I can’t spill what Wel’s issues are ’cause it’s not mine naman and I don’t want to hold it against him since I know he’s trying so hard to fix it, so I’ll just tell mine. One of my problems is my emotions get a hold of me so easily. It controls me so fast na when I’m pissed tapos Wel doesn’t do anything about it, I get more mad kasi.. hello??? Galit ako, lambingin mo naman ako, magsorry ka naman??? Hahahaha.
One thing you should know about me is that my love language is Words of Affirmation. Gusto ko palagi inaassure ako, na bolahin mo lang ako through words, masaya na ako bati na tayo ganon. Lol. Eh si Wel pa naman, he learned from our past fights that he’ll only talk to me when I’m already calm because my words stab like a sharp knife when I’m mad (issue #2). Tapos ako, dahil nga my love language is like that, gusto ko ina-assure ako agad, pero hindi ganun ‘yung nangyayari kaya lalong besh world war 3!!!!
Now let’s go back to the term, “I’m tired.” Siguro I’ve told Wel that line countless of times for the past two months. (Actually, like 1 and a half month back. We’ve been okay na for the past two weeks.) ‘Di ko na mabilang. Because really.. I was.
His issues drained me so bad and I felt like I don’t have enough patience and understanding in my body anymore to give. It was something. It was a nightmare. I always blamed myself that maybe I’m just not as understanding and as patient as him. We’ve had misunderstandings before and I told him we needed a break, but this kind of tiredness is the first kind of tiredness I have felt in years. To top all that, I made him feel like he was not enough and he made me question myself if I deserve this kind of love. I seriously wanted to give it all up, let him figure things out on his own and even told him that it’s better if we break up instead but he never agreed to it. Ganun kalala.
So ayun.. Things got okay naman. After almost two months, alhamdulillah. Timing pa dun sa bagong movie ng Kathniel; sabi sa teaser, “How do we save us?”
Well… Communication and forgiveness. These are also two things that we’re still trying to fix within ourselves. Wel has a hard time communicating when it comes to our issues and I am having a hard time with forgiveness. We differ so much in these areas. Si Wel mag-sorry ka lang kahit ‘di ka na magpaliwanag, okay lang. Eh ako, I have always been vocal about everything. My weakness and power are words, so gusto ko mapag-usapan lahat ng bagay because for me, that’s how you’ll know what and what not to do in the future para hindi na maulit. He’s not into that. Again, another issue we’re trying to fix.
Also, I cannot stress out how important this is but give each other a break!! This is the time for you to realize na nakakamiss palang maging single CHAROT!! Hahaha. Take a breather, relax, and have all your time to yourself. Collect your thoughts, reflect, and promise, you’ll realize that the issue you have is just NOTHING compared to the love that you have. As in, nothing. It’s just your emotions controlling you during that time.
Use this time to fix yourself and not for finding someone else who can help you fix yourself, pwede ba! (Talking from past experience lang, sorry.) ‘Di kayo naghiwalay, nagpahinga lang. Magpahinga lang kung pagod, hindi kailangang sumuko.
Alam n’yo kasi mga bes.. There will always be issues in every relationship. At the end of the day, you just have to communicate and have your minds fixed at the fact that you love each other and these are only nothing but problems. It’s not you VS him; it’s you & him VS your problem. I may have a hard time forgiving and forgetting what Wel’s issue is; he may have a hard time giving me the “talk” I want, but we both know that we love each other so much, why should we let these issues destroy what we have built and held on to for the past four years?
Relationship burnout is not new anymore especially when you’re in a long-term relationship already. Make it a point that you try something different once a month. Lucky are those who get to see their partner every day or every week, so if you’re one of us who only get to see their partner once every two months or once a year, at least do something that will keep your relationship going! Have dinner dates through Skype or movie dates through Netflix. Always make time!! It’s really just up to the both of you to either let your relationship slowly die or do something to spark things up again.
And just.. communicate. ‘Yun lang talaga. If you want the key to a healthy relationship, it’s communication, trust, and love. When you have all three, congratulations. Pwede n’yo nang isipin dream wedding n’yo.
And if you’ll ask.. yes, we’ve already dreamt of ours. :)
Disclaimer: Just to clear things out, the issues are about ourselves and no other party is involved.